We're Not Bullied Because We're Geeks, We're Geeks Because We're Bullied

Refuge, a place of shelter, protection or safety.  It’s something we all need, a place where we can be ourselves, without fear of judgement, criticism or abuse.  Refuge is important to people of all ages, but no one needs it more than teenagers, young people who are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit into the world.

While we tend to think about a refuge being a place, more often than not, the sanctuary we seek can’t be found in a place, but rather in the company we keep. When I was a boy, my uncles and aunts would come over to the house. My mom and her sisters would adjourn to the kitchen where they’d sit around the table and talk. Their husbands would head to the shop behind the house.  The kids would go outside to play.  One day, I happened to come back into the house to get something from my room.  Needless to say, my mom and her sisters were having the kind of frank conversation that can only happen between sisters, and then only in private. They had their refuge, their safe place.  They could say anything at the table, and it wouldn’t leave the table.  No one would judge them for it.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was actually an important lesson.

Recently I read a blog post titled “Why are Geeks, Bullied, Excluded, and Taunted?”  It's an interesting read, and even though the author may not be wrong in his conclusions, I think he completely misses the point.

Have you ever heard the phrase taking refuge in a book?  That’s what many proto-geeks do, the fat kid, the skinny kid, the kid with the odd speech pattern, the smelly kid, the gay kid, the atheist kid, the Christian kid, the kid that doesn’t quite fit in, the one who’s just a little bit different.   Each of these kids, each with a different reason for the mundanes to exclude, bully, and taunt, finds his or her way into their place of refuge.  Sometimes it’s comics, games, books, anime, or science fiction, and when it is, they become geeks.  Then these geeks slowly find each other, discover common interests, and become a community, building an even safer place for themselves.  It’s like the movie “Revenge of the Nerds”, where all the oddballs come together because no one else wants them.

We’re not special, not better than anyone else, but our hobbies and our community are our refuge, our safe place.  After all, the bully’s fist can’t find you in Middle Earth, Grayhawk, Gotham City, the Federation, or the planet Jurai.  So, we tend to be defensive. That’s where the author misses the point, we’re not bullied because we’re geeks, we’re geeks because we’re bullied.

For an article about bullying, there is a lot of talk about  gender issues.  Apparently women aren’t welcome at ComicCon.  They’re seen as interlopers, outsiders, and are there only to tease the real geeks.  As someone who's been married to a geek girl for 25 years, all I can say to that is... WTF?  I don’t think the problem is a fear of women, but rather a fear of Cosplayers.  

It seems like an academic difference, but it’s important.  For full disclosure, while I read comic books, I’m not a comic book “fan”, and I don’t attend comic book conventions (not the big ones at least).  All my experience comes from science fiction, both literary and media, table-top gaming, and anime conventions.  

So why, you may ask, would geeks be afraid of Cosplayers? It’s a case of immigrants versus colonists.  

For the purpose of this discussion, an immigrant is someone who migrates to another community, and then is assimilated by the new community.  A colonist is someone who moves into another community and seeks to supplant the indigenous people or culture with their own.  In most communities, immigrants are welcome, but colonists are not, largely because good things never seem to happen to the indigenous population when the colonists show up.

Are Cosplayers immigrants or colonists?  In the anime community, Cosplayers are taken for granted.  Generally speaking, they’re simply anime fans who dress up as their favorite characters.  Sure, they’re willing to spend hours talking about the intricacies of costuming, but they’re also willing to spend just as much time talking about Full Metal Alchemist or Tenchi Muyo!  Thinking about it in role-playing game terms, their character class is anime fan, with a proficiency in costuming.  I think the same can be said for Star Trek Cosplayers.   These folks are not just immigrants, but citizens.  

On the other hand, if people aren’t conversant with the underlying subject matter and have no respect for the community or its mores and values, then they’re colonists.  Fortunately, I haven’t met anyone at a science-fiction convention who didn’t either read a good bit of science-fiction or watch a good bit of it.  It could be that costuming is their primary thing, but they enjoy science-fiction enough to be at least a casual fan.

The most important difference between being an immigrant or a colonist, is that immigrants respect the mores and folkways of the community, geek culture so to speak, whereas colonists don’t.  A full discussion of geek culture is a missive for another day, but there are basic rules that I think we all agree to.  First, we don’t put each other down, period.  Yes I know you may think that fuzzy Transformers slashfic is disgusting, but there’s surely someone out there who loves it.  Second, we respect each other.  Third, it’s OK to argue about whether the Galactica or the Enterprise would win in a fight.  Fourth, it’s your thing, do what you’re gonna do.  But most important is no bullying.

Everyone is welcome in the community if you love the subject matter and are willing to learn.

- Roger Carden